Merry Christmas from Missouri!

Tom and I are fortunate to be able to spend Christmas with David, Amy, Michael and Benjamin this year. It has been wonderful to be in their home and share this special time with them, to see the traditions they are carrying on from generation to generation. We had a lovely dinner Christmas eve, with ham and all the trimmings. Michael got to sleep just minutes before Santa arrived with his presents. Now some of you are accustomed to being awakened at three o'clock a.m. on Christmas morning by children who are so anxious to see what Santa brought that the moment the clatter of the reindeer is disappeared from the roof the kids are shaking you--"Is it time yet? Can we go see what he brought?" We were lucky to be able to sleep late.

Tom and I woke after eight o'clock this morning and Tom peeked to see if Michael was stirring. He was lying on his bed with his eyes open. I think he might not have remembered what day it was. Eventually we all made it downstairs and Michael was excited to see the police car, ambulance, stuffed beagle, and stocking full of toys that Santa left for him. He was equally excited to see what Santa gave Benjamin. We had fun watching him. Then we had our typical unhealthy breakfast of pumpkin roll (and apple pie)--except David, that is. He had cereal, refusing to join us in our attack against our bodies.

I checked my blogs while Tom was watching the video David and Amy gave him (Bill Cosby Himself). David and Amy took turns talking to his mother. I got teary-eyed thinking about all my other family that I don't get to see this year. It is unlikely that I will ever get to have all my family together in one place for the holidays. But I want you all to know that no matter where I am you are all in my heart at the same time. And so, in honor of all of you, here's a song for this Christmas--with a little twist in the words:

Merry Christmas, Darlings, we're apart, that's true.
But I can dream, and in my dreams, I'm Christmasing with you.
Holidays are joyful, there's always something new,
But every day's a holiday when I'm near to you.
The lights on your tree I wish I could see, I wish it every day.
Logs on the fire fill me with desire to see you and to say
That I wish you merry Christmas, Happy New Year, too,
I've just one wish on this Christmas Day, I wish I were with you,
I wish I were with you.

I would if I could

Well, I got a call yesterday saying I had been deferred as a bone marrow donor--not permanently, just for a couple of months. It's a result of the diverticulitis that attacked me in August. Now, it's not something I can pass on to anyone else. It's a condition caused by aging--wear and tear on the intestines. When they get worn out they develop pockets which can become plugged and then infected. The pockets are called diverticula, having them is called diverticulosis, and when they get infected it's called diverticulitis. But just having been diagnosed with it so recently they want to wait and if I'm a possible match for someone in the future they can see if I've been doing alright in spite of the diagnosis.

I told a friend this morning and she reminded me that the important thing was that I was willing. It's true; I had thought it would be a nice Christmas present to someone to share my bone marrow with them so they could live. But I will not be able to do that so I am trying to curb the disappointment by thinking about how I can still give my heart to the Lord.

I have plenty of other opportunities to give, too, and that should keep me busy enough. In fact, I've got to get to one of those opportunities right now: I need to get ready for tomorrow's den meeting! It's the last one of the year for those four ten-year-old boys. I want it to be memorable.

More than enough to spare....

Okay, I just thought of one more thing I wanted to share. I received a phone call this morning minutes before I was to walk out the door and join my walking companions for our daily one-hour walk. The caller ID said "IN Blood Ctr" and I took a moment to consider whether or not this was a call soliciting funds. I decided to answer and find out. The young lady caller asked if I remembered registering for the blood marrow donor list while we lived in Indiana. I said I did. Then she told me that my marrow has been found to be a possible match for a forty-four-year-old man in Indiana. She asked if I would be willing to fill out a health questionnaire to determine if I qualify. I readily agreed and she emailed me the seven-page form which I completed as soon as I returned from my walk. It's already been faxed to her office in Indiana. If they approve me based on what's in the questionnaire, then the next step would be for me to be contacted by an agency in Utah who would do some blood testing. If that turns out well, then I can be a donor. I will not have to leave the state and it will cost me nothing. I would like to do this. But maybe it will turn out the same as my jury summons this year. I was summoned to be available to serve anytime from September 1st to December 31st and I haven't yet been called to the Federal Courthouse. It appears this time I'm not needed. I would really like to serve on a jury someday!

Okay. Now I have to pay my bills. It's on my list of things to do.

Well, I WAS going to go to bed, Amy.

I read Amy's blog tonight and then watched Cindy and her elf friends dance. I was going to go to bed but suddenly felt an urge to write something in my own blog. I'm not prepared to write about another of my children. I have to find some cute stories in my journal first. Talking about the weather and politics and such is not appealing (and those subjects may be a bit boring right now, anyway). What should I write that would make it worth reading? Hmmmmmm.....

I know! I've wished that there were some kind of list of things we should or should not do in order to feel we were right in the eyes of the Lord. You know, a list we could check off as we did each one, or as we acquired certain traits or developed certain talents. For example, 1. Never tell a lie. 2. If you ever tell a lie, be certain to repent immediately. 3. If you lied a long time ago and didn't ever repent, go buy some fresh lambchops and cook them very, very well on your barbecue grill and then offer them to the missionaries.

Really, I don't mean to make light of what really is something very important. I WANT to do what is right. I WANT to please Heavenly Father. I WANT to know I will one day be worthy to stand in His presence. I have spent far too much time worrying about mistakes already made or mistakes I might make today or tomorrow. I want Him to give me a list just like He gave Moses and the wandering Israelites (the Ten Commandments). I am a list person. I make lists of everything I want to do the next day or week or month. I make lists of what I need to buy. I make lists of what I want to do for my family for Christmas. I make lists of activities I want to do for piano lessons or scouts meetings. I make lists of lists. Now I just want a list of what I have to do in this life in order to feel I have accomplished the reasons I am here on the earth.

Well, last night I found a list. It jumped right out at me as I was reading scriptures. At least, I felt it was a good place to start. If I can follow this guidance from the Lord I just might have a chance. I found my list in Doctrine and Covenants Section 4.

Here are some of the things I noted in my journal:

Embark in the service of God.
Serve Him with ALL your heart, might, mind and strength.
Thrust in your sickle with your might.
Have faith, hope, charity and love.
Have an eye single to the glory of God.
Develop these: faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, and diligence.
Seek after the things of God ("Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you.")

Now I have to get to work becoming and doing all these things! I'm certain I've lived more than half my life, so time's a-wasting! I've got a lot to do!

(Elder Bednar's conference address about prayer was extremely helpful to me in regards to my personal prayers. It also is a kind of checklist for me and I feel my prayers are already becoming more meaningful as I consider and apply what he taught.)

Now I'm going to bed. And going to bed for me includes washing my face, brushing my teeth, putting on my pajamas, having prayer, writing in my journal, reading from all five standard works (Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price---I LOVE reading them all at once! I never before enjoyed the scriptures as much as I do now; you should try it sometime!) and I also read from the Ensign Magazine. (I've not been very good at taking advantage of the wonderful material in the Ensign, and finally figured out that if I attach it to something I know I will do every day then I'd get it done. So I started making it part of my scripture reading.)

Oh, wait! I can't go to bed yet! I have some bills I determined I was going to pay TODAY, and I've only got one hour left! Then I can rest in peace.

Lifetime!!!

Last week I became a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers! That was a big day for me. What that means is that I don't have to pay to go in and be weighed and attend the meetings, unless I have gained two pounds or more over my goal weight. That will keep me mindful of what I eat. I've learned a lot the last few months, and I have to say that I am so glad my own children have learned these same things much earlier than I did. I thought I was a good mother, feeling my children well, teaching them good health habits. But I'd always been able to eat anything without it affecting my weight so I hadn't learned to be careful about how much fatty and sweet food I ate. It all caught up with me after I'd had all my babies and especially when I reached menopause.

I am feeling so good now, though, that I never want to gain back any of that unneeded weight. One day I will have to return and report to my God what I did with this body He gave me. I hope I will be able to tell Him I took good care of it and thus was able to be a more useful and fit tool in His hands.

Cindy Lou

I warned you I would be blogging about my children. Tonight I am going to get started carrying out the threat. And since Cindy usually gets saved until last because she is the youngest, I chose her as my first post.

Yesterday I was going through a box of memories; you know, the cards, letters, sticky-notes, etc. you just can't throw away because they remind you that someone loves you. Although I have put together books for each of my kids with samples of their handwriting, report cards, schoolwork, artwork, etc. and have given them to them, I still have a few things here to warm my heart. I came across two Mother's Day cards that Cindy gave me when she was 7 and 8 years old. I had to call her and read them to her so she could get a good laugh. Here's the poem she wrote in the first one: "I love you little I love you big. I love you like a little PIG! Love, Cindy W." The background of the poem was a computer-drawn pig.

In Indiana the school taught phonetic spelling, so keep that in mind as you read what she wrote in the second card: "I can't beleav that it has been 8 years seins I was born. You were 32 wein I was born and now you are 40! But even thogh your 40 I guss you can have a Happy Moters day! Love, Cindy."

Is there any wonder Cindy has chosen to build upon her writing and public relations capabilities by seeking a PR degree?

My due date for Cindy was May 18th. I started having contractions early, first on May 1st, my dad's birthday, then on May 9th, my mother's birthday, and then on the 16th--Michael's and Katy's shared birthday. By the time the 19th came I was so exhausted from lack of sleep as the constant contractions were keeping me from resting, and I told the doctor that by the time the baby came I wouldn't be worth anything. He sent me to the hospital and started the labor that morning and she made her entrance into the world about 5:30 p.m. She didn't want to share her birthday with anyone else, and she did get her own. But I should tell this story, too: I had thought about when was the ideal time to have a baby, since I'd had some in the spring and some in the fall. I had picked the time I wanted to have my sixth baby and was able to start the pregnancy right on schedule. However, I had a miscarriage and lost the baby. That meant I would have to wait nearly a year to start all over again. One day I was in the shower and pondering the situation and I thought I heard a voice say: "I don't care when I'm born! I just want my body!" Cindy spoke to me long before I got to see her and smell her and hold in my arms. And I've been learning from her ever since!

Cindy was my baby, and my buddy for a few years after the others had all started school. When we moved to Indiana we explored our new town while the others were gone all day. We discovered Aldi's, which became our favorite grocery store. We put lots of miles on our van as we became acquainted with our town and Northwest Indiana. We talked and talked while we were on the road. She made up jingles, and I could kick myself over and over again because I didn't get them on paper. She would have been a great advertiser! One of my favorite moments when we were on the road was when we were listening to a tape recording of "Chicago." "If you see me walking down the street, look away, look away, I don't want you to see me this way." Cindy asked me, "Why doesn't he want her to see him that way? Is he...naked?"

Cindy made a little booklet of cartoons which depicted office doors with signs on them. I wish I could remember them. That's one of the things I passed on to her for her posterity. I think one of them was "Office of Wildlife Resources" and the sign hanging from the doorknob said "Gone Fishing."

My journal has many entries with cute things Cindy said and did as a child. She was always so delightful and I called her my "sunshine." She still lights up a room when she enters.

I've always been able to count on Cindy for laughs, hugs, intelligent and deep conversation, for understanding, help, and for reminders of how much Heavenly Father loves me. After she left home and we became empty nesters I looked forward to her frequent phone calls that helped me realize that although she was a young woman living in a grown-up world now she still wanted that connection with Mom. That meant more to me than I can express.

Now she is a married woman, belonging to that handsome Eric. But although he can call her his, there will always be part of her in me, because without Cindy I would not be complete.

I love you, Cindy, my sunshine, my darling!

Sluffing

I know it's time for a new post. But I'm going to read a book instead. However, I am planning to do a post about each one of my children, so stay tuned...

Tag! I'm It!!

I may have been tagged before but this is the first time I've decided to accept the tag. I wonder how many of you (my family) will already know these things about me:

4 jobs I've had:

1. Sales clerk at J. C. Penney in Roosevelt 2. Receptionist/sales clerk at a mobile home sales lot 3. Multi-tasker at Student Relations at Weber State College (mailed packets to potential students, typed, etc.) 4. Cleaned house for a rich lady in Omaha, Nebraska (had lots of belt trouble with her Kerby Vacuum Cleaner!)

4 movies I've watched more than once:

1. An Affair to Remember 2. Bridge Over River Kwai 3. Pride and Prejudice (the long one) 4. The Sound of Music

4 TV shows I watch:

1. BYU Devotionals 2. Mormon Tabernacle Choir Broadcast 3. The Closer 4. Law and Order

4 people who email me regularly (actual letters, not just forwards):

1. Linda Anderson 2. Katy Rush 3. Diane Allen 4. Ethel Oswald

4 favorite foods:

1. cashews 2. cherry tomatoes 3. pecan pie 4. quesadillas

4 places I want to visit:

1. All the LDS temples in the world 2. Wales 3. Clifton Park, New York (Alan's new home!)
4. Some beautiful white-sand, isolated beach

4 things I'm looking forward to in the next year:

1. Going to Clifton Park, NY to see Alan, Jessica, and their girls for Thanksgiving 2. Going to
O'Fallon, Missouri, to spend Christmas with David and Amy and their boys and then taking Amy and boys with us to DeRidder, Louisiana, to attend the open house the Badgers are having for Cindy and Eric 3. Getting new carpet for my living room 4. Getting released as a Cub Scout Den Leader (if God wills it so)

4 things I like about my husband

1. He is a good father 2. He is smart 3. He is a hard worker 4. He provides well for our family

Now I guess I'm supposed to tag four people, and if you've already been tagged let me know:
Katy Rush, Elizabeth Lemon, Nathaniel Lemon, and Laura Washburn

My turn, my turn!!!!

Well, you probably have wondered what I thought when I read your blogs, Amy and Cindy. (I always knew Cindy wanted to be Amy.) Am I shocked about who was kissing whom and who throws what away? No. Because your blogs made me start thinking about the things that I never told my mother. And I can't think of anything that she didn't know that I would want to share with ANYONE ELSE! EVER!!!! But I thought that maybe there were some things I could confess to my kids...

1. I posted an entry on the Lemon Family Reunion site Saturday night and said I was tired and I was going to bed as soon as I finished my post. Well, I didn't go to bed. I suddenly decided I wanted to read your blogs. So I did, but I didn't dare comment on any because I had already said I was going to bed. So I let all of you think that I hadn't yet seen your blogs. Even though I did. And I went to bed that night pondering just how I would respond to Amy and Cindy especially and making a mental note to call Emily and congratulate her on her lost tooth!

2. Sometimes I watch a BYU devotional instead of read my scriptures. That's when I'm too tired to pick up the books.

3. Sometimes the cats get on the table and lick some food and I don't want it to be wasted so I still give it to your dad and don't tell him it has cat germs.

4. I like to wear sexy clothes but not in public.

5. I used to hide treats in my closet so I wouldn't have to share them with my kids. (Look where that got me--I had to join Weight Watchers!)

6. I haven't scrubbed my bathroom sink and counter for two weeks. (Just wiped it a few times.)

7. Sometimes I actually consider cheating on my points for Weight Watchers. Because I'm hungry and want to eat more. I could eat zero point foods then but sometimes I just want to sink my teeth into something really, really bad for me!

8. I tore some pages from some journals because I didn't want my kids ever to read what I had written.

9. I have had piano students I did not like. Not one bit.

10. When I was teaching at Ben Franklin Academy I lost it one time and left the classroom to have a good cry.

11. I have the desire to have a home as clean and organized as Amy's but I just never get there all the way. But I'm working on it. I need someone else to come in and throw things away for me. I spend too much time reading everything to determine its value, and also I have to decide what I think I should send to my kids so they can have a moment or two of reflection on the past before they throw the items away. Or recycle them. Whatever.

Wow, it's good to get all that off my chest! I bet you can't believe how wicked your mother is!

My "To Do" List

A few years ago our home teacher, Don Davis, suggested making a conference "to do" list so we'd be able to identify the things we felt we should be doing as discussed in General Conference addresses. I make my list after the November Ensign arrives when I can read the talks and underline specific items I want to work on. Sometimes I don't necessarily have to do anything differently but just keep doing what I've already been doing.

One thing the prophet, President Monson, said this time was that we should show gratitude for everything. Of course, I've always known that, and I've tried to be a thankful person, but the first thing on my "to do" list this time is to pay more attention to everything around me and let Heavenly Father know I am aware and grateful for all His blessings.

First on my list tonight is family, and most specifically, I am grateful for my grandchildren who make me smile so much! The things Amy and Jessica shared in their blogs this week about Michael and Emily made me laugh, and I talked to Michael, Emily, Isabella, and Corbin this evening and it wouldn't have mattered if I had a broken leg or a flat tire; hearing those youthful voices tell me what they're up to would have made me forget any pain or frustration.

I could go on and on about the grandchildren, but I'll put all that in my journal instead. Right now I'm going to do some reading and go to bed. Being so happy today has made me tired tonight.

If any of you want to help me make a "to do" list, share your impressions of conference with me!

I'm not as young as I used to be...

I nearly forgot I had a blog. Somebody mentioned the word a day or two ago and something stirred inside me and suddenly I remembered! I've been busy, but that's not unusual for me-- that IS me, always trying to get something done. And it's getting harder and harder for me to do what has been so natural for me all my life. As I continue to add years and miles to this body of mine I keep getting reminded that I must pay better attention to what it is telling me. And lately it has been telling me to slow down, don't walk so hard, watch what I put into it, etc. My advice to all you young women: Don't wait until you are older to do the things you should do to keep in shape.

By the way, I did reach my goal and now I am at the maintenance phase in Weight Watchers. Five more weeks of not gaining more than two pounds above my goal and I can be a Lifetime Member which means that I don't have to pay unless I gain too much. And I only have to weigh once-a-month when I'm Lifetime. But the success of the program, which is why it works for me, depends on that "Return and Report."

So this blog really didn't have much content, but at least it's an effort to keep me blogging.

A Little R & R

New Year's Resolutions are great, aren't they?! At least, it's exciting for me to sit down and ponder the new year ahead of me and consider ways I'd like to improve so that this can be the best year ever. I don't always accomplish all the goals I set for myself, but just the pondering of my life--where I am, where I've been, where I want to go--is so good for me.

This year I did set a goal that has finally been realized. In my journal/planner I have written in January: "Join Weight Watchers." And I did, on February 27th. I wanted to lose thirty-one pounds. I've lost thirty. When I got weighed on Wednesday morning I thought I would be able to declare I had reached my goal, but, alas, I was four-tenths off! According to my scale at home I was right on, but then it's not digital, so I couldn't be absolutely certain until I went to the meeting. When I saw that .4 there I asked if I could take off my pants and weigh again. They laughed and said I could if I wanted to, but, really, since the first time I was weighed I was wearing jeans it was only right that I be wearing jeans for the final weight, too. So next week I will reach my goal. I know I will because it's less than half a pound--about two sticks of butter--and everyone in my WW meeting will be expecting me to reach it. I don't want to have to report that I failed.

Returning and reporting works so well for me. When I tell my goals to others then I am more apt to accomplish them because I know someone is watching me. They expect me to do what I said I would do.

My journal keeping works on the same principle, but I'm not writing so that my friends or family will be able to see right away what I wrote and I can prove to them that I'm doing what I said I would do. It works because I am returning at the end of a period of time--day, week, month--and reporting to myself what I have done with my life. And one day I expect that my posterity will read a little, perhaps, and learn something about their grandmother.

I have been reading the mission journal my Grandmother Goodrich kept when Granddad and she served in New York when I was about eight years old. What a treasure this is! A lot of it is just an outline of the duties of the day, but I have learned much about my grandmother's feelings, habits, desires, and accomplishments at the side of my grandfather. I am so grateful she took the time to report what she was doing with this important time of her life. It has helped me to feel more connected to her, to my grandfather, and I think I'm learning something about myself through her, too.

Everything I do that helps me learn more about Edna points a little closer to the road that will lead to the home that has always been so ambiguous to me. Losing that weight, proving to myself I can shed what doesn't belong and find the original me underneath all that, looking for myself in the writings of others--all this has drawn me closer to that longed-for home. How long until I reach the final destination, I don't know, but the road there is proving very interesting.

On a roll...

For a few days I couldn't get any thoughts together to do my weekly post, and now I have a list of different topics. They were coming to mind as I drove home from the temple yesterday. I wrote them down and as I have time I'll try to get them from my mind to my journal.

I thought that there are probably many things that not even my children know about me. Many things will be discovered as they read my journals once I make them available to them. (Over my dead body!) But maybe they would think it fun to learn now some of my secrets or at least not previously discussed information that is all part of who I am. Maybe we'll find that we have more in common than we realized.

Here are a few for starters:

I absolutely love walking on beaches! I love taking my shoes off and feeling the sand between my toes. I love the sound of the waves slapping. I love finding shells. After the trip to Alaska and thanks to Nancy I love finding sea glass. Walking on a quiet beach is solace for me. Somehow I feel more in tune with myself.

I love traveling. My favorite mode of travel is a car, and my fantasy destination is nowhere. Don't get me wrong. I love to travel to visit my children and grandchildren. There are no people on earth I'd rather be with than those souls who are so connected to me. But I would love to get in my car and just drive wherever I felt inclined to go, stop at a hotel to get some food and rest, and then get up the next day and drive again. I prefer driving the roads that go through the small towns and stopping at little cafes and observing the people and breathing the air they breathe.

I love driving down city streets and even on the freeway with my window down, my hair blowing freely, and listening to the sounds of the city, the roar of engines on the road, horns honking (no, they're not honking at me!), whistles blowing--the sounds of a city alive!

When I walk down the street I like to try to engage others. I watch their faces and see if they will look back at me so I can greet them. I like smiling at people. I like to think that my smile just might have made a difference in their day. More times than not, however, and particularly in the city, many people look away, or look down, and don't make any efforts to make eye contact with anyone. But not me. I don't want to miss a thing.

I continue to be amazed that something as large as a jet airplane can stay up in the air. Explain the dynamics and physics of it to me all you like but it makes no difference: I am in awe!

I love flowers and in my lifetime of travels I have seen countless varieties, many taking my breath away. But my most favorite is the "ditchbank" aster, a little blue flower that thrives in the forests of Utah and elsewhere. Perhaps it's the location (the forest) that makes the difference. I enjoy the peace of being in the wooded areas, protected and sheltered by the strength of the trees, and maybe that tiny flower is symbolic of little me. All analysis aside, though, I just plain like the way I feel when I see patches of them.

For most of my life I have thought it would be grand if I could play a harp.

I hope that most of the things I've learned about me find me really wanting to get the most out of life. But that would be getting it in a less threatening or dangerous way. There are some risks I want to take (falling in love, meeting new people, trying new foods, etc.) but other risks are not worth the potential cost.

This is just the beginning of the roll, but all I have time for today. (Today's Weight Watcher's meeting discussed portion control. I've spent enough time on this portion and now need to move on to other things.)

Literally speaking...

My children will tell you that I am a very literal person. I think they would say I drove them nuts (not literally, of course) because I took things perhaps too literally at times. But what can I do? There are some things we can change about ourselves; we can lose weight if we have to and put our minds to it, we can learn new languages, we can be forgiving instead of holding grudges, we can decide not to gossip anymore, etc. But my literal mind is what it is. It has made for some funny scenarios from time-to-time, such as the time I told Cindy about something I heard on the radio. This particular station was having a contest, and the winner got to go see some bare-naked ladies! I couldn't believe it! When I told Cindy she had a good laugh! She informed me there's a rock group called "Barenaked Ladies." Why anyone would choose that for a name is beyond comprehension to me, but nevertheless they did and I wonder how many other people get the same picture in their head as I do when I hear the name. Not a pretty thought....

I like the words of Matthew 12:36: "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account therof in the day of judgment." Everyone may interpret that their own way. I learn from it that I need to be careful about everything I say and how I say it. I believe this, although I have not practiced that belief faithfully. I don't like gossip and at one time had a reputation as one who would always have something good to say about a person even if others were saying negative things about that same person. I admit to falling short of that reputation far too many times. While in a meeting last night I thought about the things someone had told me about a particular lady who was in attendance at that meeting. I tried hard not to remember those things, so I could develop my own opinion of this lady based on my own experiences with her. I like what I am learning so far, but the words of my friend kept jumping out to argue with the words I was putting together to form my new opinion of this lovely lady. I am setting a goal right now never to share negative information about a person with anyone else. I don't want to color another person's opinion about another human being.

Words really are important to me.

Back to my literal mind: So I was leaving the temple yesterday and saw a huge banner hanging from an apartment building up the hill. It announced "Weeks for sale!" Now if we think about what they were advertising it would make sense they were saying that one could purchase a week's rent at an apartment. But my literal mind wanted to think otherwise, and I began to consider what I would do with the extra allotment of time if I could buy a few weeks. Would I spend the time doing something I never find time to do in the limited twenty-four-hour days, seven-days-a-week that are our present allotment? Would I just try to complete things I've already started so I could get ahead of myself and then I could start a day on a zero balance instead of behind from the beginning? Would I forget myself completely and devote it to doing all the service to mankind I could without the daily duties of life getting in the way (laundry, grocery-shopping, banking, etc.) . Or would I sit on a beach all day, every day, reading, soaking in some sun, storing some positive energy so that when I had used up all my extra time (not free time, because remember I had to buy these weeks) I would feel more able to meet the demands of reality?

Now, just as I completed that last thought I remembered that I saw that sign "Weeks for sale" as I was leaving the temple. Therein is the answer for me. The Temple. There is where I get the extra time, the extra energy, the extra Light that I need. There is where I find solace and I do service where no phone calls, no laundry, no groceries get in my way. When I leave the temple I am more fit for life's challenges, and I really do feel that I am starting on a zero balance, no longer behind, because everything is in perspective again and things that might have been weighing on me no longer seem so important any more. I hope all of you are focused on getting to the temple!

Well, you probably didn't expect this discussion to have so many turns and finally end up here. I hope you enjoyed the ride.

Home

We just spent a wonderful week in Kodiak, Alaska! Maybe sometime I'll take time to figure out how to add photos to my blog, but for now I'll leave it to your imagination to picture what I was so fortunate to see. As green as an emerald, Kodiak offers visual excitement at every turn in the road. We saw bears in the wild, the young one playing with fish in the river until he finally decided he'd better stop playing with his supper and dragged a big silver salmon to the meadow and enjoyed the delicacy. (I wonder if bears have a daily limit on how many salmon they can catch.) From the window of Don and Nancy Rush's home we could see life in the bay: whales, sea lions, puffins, seagulls, boats of all sizes, a cruise ship (The Tahitian Princess), barges, waves slapping at the rocks scattered around the bay, the rising and falling of the tide. I took about five-hundred photos, perhaps thinking that if I didn't capture the sight on my camera it might be lost forever!

We stayed with our daughter Katy's mother-and-father-in-law. They have a gorgeous home on a cliff overlooking the bay. Don and Nancy were wonderful hosts and there is not enough we can do or say to thank them for their generous hospitality.

Their home is lovely and comfortable. I kept thinking, "I could enjoy living like this!" To be able to wake every morning to the sound of the waves slapping at the shore, the morning call of the birds, the horns on the boats and barges alerting the world to the beginning of a new day--ah, that would be heaven for me!

I was pondering this on the way home to my small desert home. After experiencing the beauty of Nancy's and Don's world, could I ever really be content again? Then out of the archives of my memory bank came the discussion I had with my grandson Corbin a couple of years ago after we downsized and moved from West Jordan to Grantsville. In the conversation I had made the comment that this house is not big like the one we had in West Jordan. He in his childlike wisdom taught a very important principle to me and it again travels around in my mind sweeping away silly thoughts about what I was thinking I needed to be happy. His sweet comment to me that made all the difference was: "This house is big enough."

How true it is. All I really need I have. I'm grateful that there are wonderful, thoughtful, unselfish saints like Don and Nancy Rush, John and Pat Jarstad, and others, through whom I can experience some of the finer things of life for a moment here and there. But then I need to come home, home to my grandchildren who love the swing Grandpa built for them, and the little yard that is room enough for twenty piano students to have a party and call it "the best party ever!" The little street in front of our house is perfect for little boys to master the skill of riding bicycles and scooters. My grandchildren and I can sing and dance to our hearts' delight in our small living room. We have a nice view of the mountains from our back yard while sitting under the porch roof Tom built to block the sun and keep us dry from the occasional rain. We have a wealth of friends. We have many of our family close enough to spend time together whenever we like. Within these walls we pray, we study the gospel, we laugh, we cry, we share, we play, we cook, we eat, we connect.

So although part of me will continue seeking for new experiences, new people, new places, always being the wanderer, the rest of me will be remembering Corbin's lesson that will keep me grounded: "This house is big enough." Yes, this house is big enough to be home. And so I am home again.

Bogged down by Blogs?

I've spent a delightful half hour reading and commenting on my daughters' and daughter-in-law's blogs. I am learning so much about each one of them. I have a few other blogs I check from time-to-time but I really am trying to limit the amount of time I spent in front of a computer screen. I have so many projects waiting my attention. One reason I had chosen not to do my own blog when everyone else was catching on was that I love writing in my journal and I want to leave them for my posterity. Taking time away from the important things such as that, reading my scriptures, cleaning house, etc., would merely have added to any guilt I felt already for not accomplishing all that I felt I should do. But I type so much faster than I handwrite, and today I tried something I hadn't gotten around to yet and which you smarter and younger women probably already have been doing. I just learned I can print every post I put on my blog! So these are pages that will be added to my handwritten journals where I will write in private the things that I couldn't post publicly. I have a journal in which I write my daily doings along with notes of things I've learned in sacrament meeting, etc. I also have an "extra thoughts" journal in which I expound on things that have really occupied my thoughts and filled my heart. One day all of this will be available to my children and grandchildren if they want to take the time to learn more about this person who passed on the genes that drive them crazy from time-to-time. The blog, I suppose, we could call a "sneak preview."

Gerber Baby

You ask, "Why the baby photo to identify yourself?" Well, since this blog is to make an accounting for the way I've spent my life, I put that photo as a symbol of how I began. As a baby. A cute one, too, I think. My mother told me that people used to call me the Gerber Baby. Perhaps some of you wonder who the Gerber Baby is/was; she was the face on all the bottles of Gerber Baby food. And some of you now may wonder, "Was Gerber Baby food around that many generations ago? Did they even process and sell baby food way back then?" Well, of course they did or no one would have looked at me and thought of that face on the bottle of pureed orange squash!

I was born in Tacoma, Washington, on March 12, 1955. My dad was in the Air Force and at that time was stationed at McChord AFB. Of course I have no memories of Tacoma from way back then. But a few years ago my son, Alan, married a beautiful young woman from Federal Way, Washington. Her family has strong ties to Tacoma, and when we went to Federal Way for the reception I showed Jessica's dad, John Jarstad, the address on the back of my birth certificate. He knew exactly where it was and took my husband, Tom, and me to see the home where my family lived where I was born. He also took us to the hospital where I was delivered and across the street from there was the LDS chapel where I was given my name and a blessing. A wonderful coincidence is that my daughter-in-law, Jessica, was also blessed in that same chapel!
Since Alan and Jessica lived in the Puget Sound area for several years, I was able to become acquainted with the area my parents described as a beautiful place they hated to leave (but still did so willingly because Dad's next assignment was Bermuda!).

Seeing and getting to know the place where I began did something for me. I needed this beginning so I could make better sense of the path that led from there. I wasn't sure that I had ever belonged anywhere. Besides Washington and Bermuda, we lived in Mississippi, California, Minnesota, Nevada, Utah, the Philippine Islands, Montana, and Nebraska. What could I say to people when they asked me where I was from? Where was my hometown? My father had been in the Air Force for nearly all my youthful years, until I was a junior in high school. We never lived in a home longer than a couple of years. Even after I was married it was not meant that I would grow any deep roots.

And now we are here in Grantsville, Utah. Whoever thought I'd end up in a small town populated by country folk who lived in the same home all their lives, shopped at their hometown grocery and hardware stores, sat and chatted with their family next door about the happenings about town, and who wanted to keep their small town small? But who knows--maybe I've finally found home after all....And as you'll begin to see in many of my future posts, most of my life has really been all about coming home.

Did I really just set up my own blog???

One day I will find myself on the other side of the veil, and at some point, I don't know when for certain, I will be asked to give an accounting for the way I lived my life according to the light and knowledge I had been given. (Doctrine and Covenants 72:3 "...It is required of the Lord, at the hand of every steward, to render an account of his stewardship, both in time and in eternity.")

Thus I decided I would begin to take a look at my life and share my perceptions, my discoveries, my lessons with anyone interested in taking a look. Knowing that what I post here will be critiqued by others will make me give careful consideration to the significance of anything I decide to share.

But don't think that this is going to be full of preaching or confessions. Indeed, I would myself become quickly bored with such a venture; I plan to make this as fun as possible or I would be doomed to failure from the start!

So tune in from time-to-time for a peek into the reflections of my life, and hopefully my efforts won't be considered a waste of time for you or for me.