New Year's Resolutions are great, aren't they?! At least, it's exciting for me to sit down and ponder the new year ahead of me and consider ways I'd like to improve so that this can be the best year ever. I don't always accomplish all the goals I set for myself, but just the pondering of my life--where I am, where I've been, where I want to go--is so good for me.
This year I did set a goal that has finally been realized. In my journal/planner I have written in January: "Join Weight Watchers." And I did, on February 27th. I wanted to lose thirty-one pounds. I've lost thirty. When I got weighed on Wednesday morning I thought I would be able to declare I had reached my goal, but, alas, I was four-tenths off! According to my scale at home I was right on, but then it's not digital, so I couldn't be absolutely certain until I went to the meeting. When I saw that .4 there I asked if I could take off my pants and weigh again. They laughed and said I could if I wanted to, but, really, since the first time I was weighed I was wearing jeans it was only right that I be wearing jeans for the final weight, too. So next week I will reach my goal. I know I will because it's less than half a pound--about two sticks of butter--and everyone in my WW meeting will be expecting me to reach it. I don't want to have to report that I failed.
Returning and reporting works so well for me. When I tell my goals to others then I am more apt to accomplish them because I know someone is watching me. They expect me to do what I said I would do.
My journal keeping works on the same principle, but I'm not writing so that my friends or family will be able to see right away what I wrote and I can prove to them that I'm doing what I said I would do. It works because I am returning at the end of a period of time--day, week, month--and reporting to myself what I have done with my life. And one day I expect that my posterity will read a little, perhaps, and learn something about their grandmother.
I have been reading the mission journal my Grandmother Goodrich kept when Granddad and she served in New York when I was about eight years old. What a treasure this is! A lot of it is just an outline of the duties of the day, but I have learned much about my grandmother's feelings, habits, desires, and accomplishments at the side of my grandfather. I am so grateful she took the time to report what she was doing with this important time of her life. It has helped me to feel more connected to her, to my grandfather, and I think I'm learning something about myself through her, too.
Everything I do that helps me learn more about Edna points a little closer to the road that will lead to the home that has always been so ambiguous to me. Losing that weight, proving to myself I can shed what doesn't belong and find the original me underneath all that, looking for myself in the writings of others--all this has drawn me closer to that longed-for home. How long until I reach the final destination, I don't know, but the road there is proving very interesting.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
On a roll...
For a few days I couldn't get any thoughts together to do my weekly post, and now I have a list of different topics. They were coming to mind as I drove home from the temple yesterday. I wrote them down and as I have time I'll try to get them from my mind to my journal.
I thought that there are probably many things that not even my children know about me. Many things will be discovered as they read my journals once I make them available to them. (Over my dead body!) But maybe they would think it fun to learn now some of my secrets or at least not previously discussed information that is all part of who I am. Maybe we'll find that we have more in common than we realized.
Here are a few for starters:
I absolutely love walking on beaches! I love taking my shoes off and feeling the sand between my toes. I love the sound of the waves slapping. I love finding shells. After the trip to Alaska and thanks to Nancy I love finding sea glass. Walking on a quiet beach is solace for me. Somehow I feel more in tune with myself.
I love traveling. My favorite mode of travel is a car, and my fantasy destination is nowhere. Don't get me wrong. I love to travel to visit my children and grandchildren. There are no people on earth I'd rather be with than those souls who are so connected to me. But I would love to get in my car and just drive wherever I felt inclined to go, stop at a hotel to get some food and rest, and then get up the next day and drive again. I prefer driving the roads that go through the small towns and stopping at little cafes and observing the people and breathing the air they breathe.
I love driving down city streets and even on the freeway with my window down, my hair blowing freely, and listening to the sounds of the city, the roar of engines on the road, horns honking (no, they're not honking at me!), whistles blowing--the sounds of a city alive!
When I walk down the street I like to try to engage others. I watch their faces and see if they will look back at me so I can greet them. I like smiling at people. I like to think that my smile just might have made a difference in their day. More times than not, however, and particularly in the city, many people look away, or look down, and don't make any efforts to make eye contact with anyone. But not me. I don't want to miss a thing.
I continue to be amazed that something as large as a jet airplane can stay up in the air. Explain the dynamics and physics of it to me all you like but it makes no difference: I am in awe!
I love flowers and in my lifetime of travels I have seen countless varieties, many taking my breath away. But my most favorite is the "ditchbank" aster, a little blue flower that thrives in the forests of Utah and elsewhere. Perhaps it's the location (the forest) that makes the difference. I enjoy the peace of being in the wooded areas, protected and sheltered by the strength of the trees, and maybe that tiny flower is symbolic of little me. All analysis aside, though, I just plain like the way I feel when I see patches of them.
For most of my life I have thought it would be grand if I could play a harp.
I hope that most of the things I've learned about me find me really wanting to get the most out of life. But that would be getting it in a less threatening or dangerous way. There are some risks I want to take (falling in love, meeting new people, trying new foods, etc.) but other risks are not worth the potential cost.
This is just the beginning of the roll, but all I have time for today. (Today's Weight Watcher's meeting discussed portion control. I've spent enough time on this portion and now need to move on to other things.)
I thought that there are probably many things that not even my children know about me. Many things will be discovered as they read my journals once I make them available to them. (Over my dead body!) But maybe they would think it fun to learn now some of my secrets or at least not previously discussed information that is all part of who I am. Maybe we'll find that we have more in common than we realized.
Here are a few for starters:
I absolutely love walking on beaches! I love taking my shoes off and feeling the sand between my toes. I love the sound of the waves slapping. I love finding shells. After the trip to Alaska and thanks to Nancy I love finding sea glass. Walking on a quiet beach is solace for me. Somehow I feel more in tune with myself.
I love traveling. My favorite mode of travel is a car, and my fantasy destination is nowhere. Don't get me wrong. I love to travel to visit my children and grandchildren. There are no people on earth I'd rather be with than those souls who are so connected to me. But I would love to get in my car and just drive wherever I felt inclined to go, stop at a hotel to get some food and rest, and then get up the next day and drive again. I prefer driving the roads that go through the small towns and stopping at little cafes and observing the people and breathing the air they breathe.
I love driving down city streets and even on the freeway with my window down, my hair blowing freely, and listening to the sounds of the city, the roar of engines on the road, horns honking (no, they're not honking at me!), whistles blowing--the sounds of a city alive!
When I walk down the street I like to try to engage others. I watch their faces and see if they will look back at me so I can greet them. I like smiling at people. I like to think that my smile just might have made a difference in their day. More times than not, however, and particularly in the city, many people look away, or look down, and don't make any efforts to make eye contact with anyone. But not me. I don't want to miss a thing.
I continue to be amazed that something as large as a jet airplane can stay up in the air. Explain the dynamics and physics of it to me all you like but it makes no difference: I am in awe!
I love flowers and in my lifetime of travels I have seen countless varieties, many taking my breath away. But my most favorite is the "ditchbank" aster, a little blue flower that thrives in the forests of Utah and elsewhere. Perhaps it's the location (the forest) that makes the difference. I enjoy the peace of being in the wooded areas, protected and sheltered by the strength of the trees, and maybe that tiny flower is symbolic of little me. All analysis aside, though, I just plain like the way I feel when I see patches of them.
For most of my life I have thought it would be grand if I could play a harp.
I hope that most of the things I've learned about me find me really wanting to get the most out of life. But that would be getting it in a less threatening or dangerous way. There are some risks I want to take (falling in love, meeting new people, trying new foods, etc.) but other risks are not worth the potential cost.
This is just the beginning of the roll, but all I have time for today. (Today's Weight Watcher's meeting discussed portion control. I've spent enough time on this portion and now need to move on to other things.)
Literally speaking...
My children will tell you that I am a very literal person. I think they would say I drove them nuts (not literally, of course) because I took things perhaps too literally at times. But what can I do? There are some things we can change about ourselves; we can lose weight if we have to and put our minds to it, we can learn new languages, we can be forgiving instead of holding grudges, we can decide not to gossip anymore, etc. But my literal mind is what it is. It has made for some funny scenarios from time-to-time, such as the time I told Cindy about something I heard on the radio. This particular station was having a contest, and the winner got to go see some bare-naked ladies! I couldn't believe it! When I told Cindy she had a good laugh! She informed me there's a rock group called "Barenaked Ladies." Why anyone would choose that for a name is beyond comprehension to me, but nevertheless they did and I wonder how many other people get the same picture in their head as I do when I hear the name. Not a pretty thought....
I like the words of Matthew 12:36: "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account therof in the day of judgment." Everyone may interpret that their own way. I learn from it that I need to be careful about everything I say and how I say it. I believe this, although I have not practiced that belief faithfully. I don't like gossip and at one time had a reputation as one who would always have something good to say about a person even if others were saying negative things about that same person. I admit to falling short of that reputation far too many times. While in a meeting last night I thought about the things someone had told me about a particular lady who was in attendance at that meeting. I tried hard not to remember those things, so I could develop my own opinion of this lady based on my own experiences with her. I like what I am learning so far, but the words of my friend kept jumping out to argue with the words I was putting together to form my new opinion of this lovely lady. I am setting a goal right now never to share negative information about a person with anyone else. I don't want to color another person's opinion about another human being.
Words really are important to me.
Back to my literal mind: So I was leaving the temple yesterday and saw a huge banner hanging from an apartment building up the hill. It announced "Weeks for sale!" Now if we think about what they were advertising it would make sense they were saying that one could purchase a week's rent at an apartment. But my literal mind wanted to think otherwise, and I began to consider what I would do with the extra allotment of time if I could buy a few weeks. Would I spend the time doing something I never find time to do in the limited twenty-four-hour days, seven-days-a-week that are our present allotment? Would I just try to complete things I've already started so I could get ahead of myself and then I could start a day on a zero balance instead of behind from the beginning? Would I forget myself completely and devote it to doing all the service to mankind I could without the daily duties of life getting in the way (laundry, grocery-shopping, banking, etc.) . Or would I sit on a beach all day, every day, reading, soaking in some sun, storing some positive energy so that when I had used up all my extra time (not free time, because remember I had to buy these weeks) I would feel more able to meet the demands of reality?
Now, just as I completed that last thought I remembered that I saw that sign "Weeks for sale" as I was leaving the temple. Therein is the answer for me. The Temple. There is where I get the extra time, the extra energy, the extra Light that I need. There is where I find solace and I do service where no phone calls, no laundry, no groceries get in my way. When I leave the temple I am more fit for life's challenges, and I really do feel that I am starting on a zero balance, no longer behind, because everything is in perspective again and things that might have been weighing on me no longer seem so important any more. I hope all of you are focused on getting to the temple!
Well, you probably didn't expect this discussion to have so many turns and finally end up here. I hope you enjoyed the ride.
I like the words of Matthew 12:36: "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account therof in the day of judgment." Everyone may interpret that their own way. I learn from it that I need to be careful about everything I say and how I say it. I believe this, although I have not practiced that belief faithfully. I don't like gossip and at one time had a reputation as one who would always have something good to say about a person even if others were saying negative things about that same person. I admit to falling short of that reputation far too many times. While in a meeting last night I thought about the things someone had told me about a particular lady who was in attendance at that meeting. I tried hard not to remember those things, so I could develop my own opinion of this lady based on my own experiences with her. I like what I am learning so far, but the words of my friend kept jumping out to argue with the words I was putting together to form my new opinion of this lovely lady. I am setting a goal right now never to share negative information about a person with anyone else. I don't want to color another person's opinion about another human being.
Words really are important to me.
Back to my literal mind: So I was leaving the temple yesterday and saw a huge banner hanging from an apartment building up the hill. It announced "Weeks for sale!" Now if we think about what they were advertising it would make sense they were saying that one could purchase a week's rent at an apartment. But my literal mind wanted to think otherwise, and I began to consider what I would do with the extra allotment of time if I could buy a few weeks. Would I spend the time doing something I never find time to do in the limited twenty-four-hour days, seven-days-a-week that are our present allotment? Would I just try to complete things I've already started so I could get ahead of myself and then I could start a day on a zero balance instead of behind from the beginning? Would I forget myself completely and devote it to doing all the service to mankind I could without the daily duties of life getting in the way (laundry, grocery-shopping, banking, etc.) . Or would I sit on a beach all day, every day, reading, soaking in some sun, storing some positive energy so that when I had used up all my extra time (not free time, because remember I had to buy these weeks) I would feel more able to meet the demands of reality?
Now, just as I completed that last thought I remembered that I saw that sign "Weeks for sale" as I was leaving the temple. Therein is the answer for me. The Temple. There is where I get the extra time, the extra energy, the extra Light that I need. There is where I find solace and I do service where no phone calls, no laundry, no groceries get in my way. When I leave the temple I am more fit for life's challenges, and I really do feel that I am starting on a zero balance, no longer behind, because everything is in perspective again and things that might have been weighing on me no longer seem so important any more. I hope all of you are focused on getting to the temple!
Well, you probably didn't expect this discussion to have so many turns and finally end up here. I hope you enjoyed the ride.
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