I know this is overdue, but I finally have time to sit and complete my ten days of Thanksgiving. Yet I can't list only one of my blessings tonight, because there are still so many that must be named! In the interest of time, however, I will limit it to some very special people who have occupied space in my heart for a long time--or a short time, depending on how long they've been on the earth.
My children, namely Michael, Alan, Amy, Lisa, Katy, and Cindy are the most fabulous people on the face of the earth! How could I live without any one of them? Simply, I could not. They each play a vital role to my well-being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I would not be if they did not exist. And they have added to my joyful existence by adding to our family their remarkable spouses: Laura, Jessica, David, Brandon, Richard, and Eric. They each add dimension to my life that makes it all that more enjoyable to be alive. Some time I will try to explain how all my children and their husbands/wives have blessed my life.
Then there are those grandchildren: Emily, Corbin, Michael, Isabella, Morgan, Kalsin, Kodiak, Julia, Miralise, Eli, Anna, Benjamin, Jack, Logan, and Noah. Ahh, there's nothing like being a grandmother! A hug from any one of my special grandchildren and any fear or worry is forgotten. I live for the next time I will see these awesome reproductions of their parents.
My parents, my brothers and sisters and their spouses and children are all so terrific! I have been so fortunate to belong to such a loving and supportive family. I love the hugs I get from my nieces and nephews. I enjoy their emails and phone calls. They are all special to me.
Later I will do a blog on my friends. There are too many and so many stories to list any of them here right now. But I am so thankful for them!
Now on to perhaps the most important blessing in my life. I will preface this by saying that I think perhaps I have given the wrong impression to those who are close to me. Going by things I hear them say from time-to-time I think they believe that I have always been such a "good girl" all my life, that I haven't strayed or broken any rules and that I always expect everyone else to be the same. Oh, my heart aches just thinking about what I might have made my children think I expected of them and what they may think of how I see myself. And how do I make them understand what I am trying to say without confessing my weaknesses and past mistakes to them?
I give myself the same advice that I have given to others. When you have repented you don't need to tell others about the wrongs you have committed. You don't need to be saved by anyone else when Jesus Christ has already saved you. And He has saved me as I have had to draw upon the power of the Atonement again and again in my life. And I have learned! I try to obey the rules now because I know what it feels like to break them and to hurt other people in the process. I try hard to do what is right because I know the agony of the broken heart that comes from knowing I have disappointed my Father in Heaven and added to the pain that my Savior experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane. I study the scriptures and pay attention in meetings and read what I can to help me learn more about the God who loves me and has given me the very breath that keeps me alive minute by minute when there are times when I felt I would rather die than face the fact that I have fallen so short of the expectations placed upon me. I give service as faithfully and as diligently as I can and in as many ways as I can because service is part of the repentance process. I love more fully and deeply because I have felt His love; it has saved me over and over again.
What people see in me today is not a person who always does the right thing; they see a person who wants to be right in the sight of God, and I pray for strength every day to be able to do better. I have so many changes yet to make.
I am thankful for my Savior and for my God. I am thankful I can pray to Heavenly Father and feel His arms around mw when I need Him; I am thankful for what Jesus Christ did for me. I am thankful that change is part of the plan. This is all very personal for me but I feel it is time to make sure that my children know that I hope they will learn these same things, and if possible not in the same ways I did. I will try to remember that as they use their agency they will have experiences that will teach them and they don't need me to protect them from the pain of mistakes. I just want to be their mother/ grandmother in the best ways I know how to be and hope they will accept my offerings to them. I love them with all my heart. And if we all try we may look forward to an eternal association with each other. Without the hope of this why even try?
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